I have been feeling nostalgic, melancholy, and downright sad all day long. Today is my last day of maternity leave and I don't want it to be. I really like my job... but I love my baby and there will never be enough time in the vast spectrum of time to spend with her. In the last three months, a lot has changed. Number one, Bryn. She has grown so much! Three months ago, she could barely keep her eyes open long enough to eat, now she has her beautiful (turning brown!) eyes open to the world. Her eyes hold a sparkle that I never knew existed. She looks at everything and watches, and I know she is holding back her wisdom. I also know she is forgetting some of it and it breaks my heart that she had to leave her Heavenly home to come here to this dirty, mean old world. At the same time, I have never been more blessed and I am so grateful to have her here to teach me a little, okay a lot each day! She smiles, she giggles, she is ticklish, she talks to us, and is an amazing cuddle-bug. I honestly don't know how my heart holds all the love, every day it grows, and grows and grows.
I have changed too, not as much as Bryn perhaps, but I know I will never be the same again. I loved being an independent student, having lofty academic and professional goals. Now, I love being totally depended upon, a student to my baby, and a totally dependent student to my Heavenly Father. I have to trust in Him so much, and I am humbled by the awesome responsibility of parenthood. I know that I cannot comprehend many things with my little human brain, but I look so forward to the day when I can see Him again and hopefully learn to love like He does.
My whole perspective of life has changed. Things that used to be important are now nonexistent. Things that used to be nonexistent are now the most important things of my life. Change is good. It shows us what we really want to be.
